Stephen Colbert Crushes Mike Johnson With A Spanking Joke

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Stephen Colbert had a field day with Speaker Mike Johnson’s failure to impeach DHS Secretary Mayorkas on Tuesday.

Colbert said:

The vote was called by House speaker and man in the commercial who has the confidence to shake hands again after taking Cialis, Mike Johnson. The G.O.P., you’ll remember, has just a razor-thin majority in the house, so clearly, Speaker Johnson would bring this to the floor for a vote only if he knew with absolute certainty they HAD the votes to — and they lost. Mike Johnson, are you definitely against porn? ‘Cause you sure like getting spanked while everyone watches. 


Holding a vote without knowing the vote count is a rookie mistake that Nancy Pelosi would never have made. Afterwards, this is how she described Johnson’s leadership, “poo-poo.”

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Speaker Johnson was so confident of victory that he already named 11 impeachment managers ahead of a possible Senate trial. Oh, I was wrong. Speaker Johnson can count his chickens before they hatch. Sure! Chickens. One of those managers was set to be Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Really? She’s feels less impeachment manager and more “I’d like to speak to your manager.” Greene’s been at the forefront of this impeachment push the entire way. In fact, she authored the resolution. Which explains why Mayorkas’ articles of impeachment were written in crayon. The big problem with her resolution is that impeachment is not designed to be used against people you just disagree with on policy. It’s all about high crimes and misdemeanors. But the G.O.P. Never produced any evidence that Mayorkas had committed crimes, let alone crimes that meet the threshold for impeachable offenses. Sometimes you really need a crime. That’s why Dostoevsky didn’t sell many copies of his first novel, “Oops! All punishment.” I think that might be the porno that Mike Johnson is in.


Mike Johnson has become a national joke after he failed to impeach Mayorkas. It doesn’t matter if House Republicans come back into session next week and hold another impeachment vote; the damage has been done.

House Republicans are a punchline, and Mike Johnson is the reason why.

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